I am a strong believer that every happens for a reason and that the things that happen to us both good and bad are there to help shape us into the person we are meant to be. With that being said though sometimes i can't help but wonder what would life be like if i could go back and rewind or erase something or someone from my past. One day me and my best friend were having this conversation and she said that she wished should could go back to high school and change meeting her then boyfriend at the time. I thought about it for a brief moment and then told her "that would be nice but if you going back in time to change that one little thing would alter your life completely and the boyfriend that you have now may not even be in your life right now by changing that one thing".
That whole situation reminds me of the movie The Butterfly Effect. That movie came back out when i was about 13/14 years old so the message wasn't really all that clear to me at the time. Now that I am older and really thinking about the movie but that movie basically portrayed what I had told my best friend. Something as small as what time we leave out the house or which route we decide to take plays a major part in how are life is today. Of course when you think about it it does seems silly at first, how could deciding to not take a short cut home one day make a big difference in my life but it really does.
Often times I find myself reminiscing about my high school days and my college days ( lol it feels like i have been out of school for years instead of just 4 months) and now that I am out in the real world I really wish I could go back to high school and experience all of the same things or go back and change meeting someone. I had the most fun during high school when I was in 11th grade. My friends and I had a blast, it was almost like we had nothing to really worry about even if it felt like we did in the moment. Every weekend we would hang out and have fun. We did some things that we had no business doing but it was still fun. My best friend and I always laugh and talk about our high school days. We laugh about stupid fights we all gotten into or bad outfit choices we made that we "thought" looked good at the time. We still had some innocence left in us,were very naive and unaware of a lot.
Once i got to college it was still the same as far as having a lot to learn and having innocence left in me. In college I had a blast I got to experience being around all black people which was a big deal for me since i grew up in a mostly white area. I also got to experience my first "real" relationship and my first real heartbreak. I had moments with friends where we would get into arguments, partially i think it was because we all lived in the same suite, ate lunch and dinner together, and we went to all the school events together. I experienced my first one night stand ( which I am not proud of at all lol but we were both drunk so hey...). I also got to experience why guys my age, especially in college, are not really worth dating. There were a lot of times that I got my feelings hurt by a guy that I liked. I always seem to attract the assholes or the ones that are no good. Looking back I do wish that I had joined a sorority like I had planned ( gonna do grad chapter though!!) and I wish that I had made more of an effort to make other friends outside of my core group of friends. We all had friends outside of each other but for the most part my friends and I did everything with one another instead of really branching out.
Being out of college makes me realize how much i didn't really live in each moment. I had a lot of fun in high school and college and have fun memories that will stick with me forever but I wish I had truly enjoyed each moment and lived it to the fullest. The saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" really hits home for me because I will never be able to go back into time and do all those moments over. I look at young kids and think they are lucky because they haven't yet experienced high school and college they still have so much to go through in life. Although there are some things and people that I wish I could go back and change, relive, or redo but I can't do that and I embrace all of the things and people ,both good and bad, that I have encountered because it has shaped me into the person I am today. I am excited and curious to see what else life has for me and I look forward to the good and bad things that have yet to come because what would life really be without experiences? Everybody has a unique story and I just like to think of all these experiences I've had in the past and will have in the future as another part of my life story.
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