The Final Let Go.....

Closing chapters, ending relationships, and moving on is never an easy thing to do especially if you really cared about that person.

For two years now I was involved with this one guy who I met through an old friend. We initially started dating but then it became a back and forth situation where one moment he wanted me and then the next he would say that we are just friends.I do partially blame myself because I allowed this to go on when several times I knew that I should have walked away from the situation. For the longest time I could not understand why me and him were not in a relationship but the more I got to know him the more I realized just how much God had been trying to protect me from being in a relationship with him. I kept ignoring my friends and family and God ( dumb right?) when they kept telling me to let him go and move on. It took awhile for me to finally get to that point but I guess I had to do it when I was ready. You know the saying "you can tell someone not to do something but at the end of the day they are going to do what they wanted to do", unfortunately that was me. For whatever reason I was still holding on to him even after the many times he revealed himself to be a jerk. Part of the reason was that I knew I could possibly lose him in my life as a friend as well and I wasn't 100% ready to accept that just yet.

God has a way of revealing things to you in very subtle ways but it is up to us to see them. During these two years I saw every single sign God showed me but I chose to ignore it and do things my way. I feel like God was up there looking down at me yelling and getting angry for blowing off what he had been trying to show me all along. This past Saturday I woke up and went on Instagram like I do every morning but for someone reason I went the guy's page and clicked on a tab that allows you to see if he was tagged in any photos and sure enough boom I saw all of these photos. I recognized this girl because it was the same girl I confronted him about two years ago when him and I were dating and he had lied about her back then so I instantly went to her page. On this girl's Instagram was a ton of photos of him and her together on dates, gifts he had bought for her etc. The beauty of technology , as much as I hate it at times, is that I was able to take screenshot photos of all the pictures she had of the two of them ( I only took about six though). Normally her page is private so in that moment I knew that God was trying to show me that it was time to let him go and move on. Of course I was hurt when I saw all of the photos of him and this girl together especially because this entire time I have known him and dated him exclusively (according to him) he had also been with this girl. I was a little hurt, angry, and even offended because this girl looks like she is in her 30's and from the trailer park but for some reason he chose her over me.

I would have to say the most hurtful part is that I think his mom knew this entire time about the other girl because his mom followed both me and the girl on instagram which means she had seen all the photos I saw. The entire time I have known him his mom would always push the idea of me and him being boyfriend and girlfriend or would refer to me as her daughter-in-law. Looking back i think part of the reason why his mom kept trying to push him and I together was because of the fact that she didn't approve of the fact that he was talking to a white girl. I am beyond hurt but I have cut ties with their whole family and have nothing more to say to either of them.I removed him from my phone and unfollowed him on instagram. I am officially ready to close this chapter that everyone has been waiting for me to close.